youre lurking in front of me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
