yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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