lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
