its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
