Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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