McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Boobs are out for the taking
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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