Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
