Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
