I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
