I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
