Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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