at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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