Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
