I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
