if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
