either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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