just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
