he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
