He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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