Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
