At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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