You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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