please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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