She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
