I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
being pregnant is like rehab
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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