What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
