I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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