I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i now understand why vodka
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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