i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Farmville is her only friend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
