There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
