just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
