shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
