Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
