it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
