I just pynch a tree in the face
its not stalking. its research.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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