Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
