There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
