I hate your face
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
