Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
