You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
