I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
