and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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