either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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