You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
