so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
