So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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