But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
