ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I die, sorry about rent.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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