Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
