I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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