If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
