How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
