Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
