She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
