who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
